the other day i was rolling up my yoga mat after class, when the teacher approached the girl who had been practicing on the mat next to me. the teacher said: "you have such beautiful form" and the student graciously smiled and said: "thank you".
as i walked away, i couldn't help but feel a tremendous sense of envy wash over me. why hadn't the teacher told me that my form was beautiful? was i doing a bad job? was my form unworthy of a similar compliment?
i realized later, of course, that my form had absolutely nothing to do with the situation. clearly, i was feeling insecure about my yoga practice and needed to address that. yoga is the furthest thing from a competitive sport, and yet i still fall into the trap of comparing myself to other yogis. often.
have you ever had similar moments of unnecessary jealousy? ugh. how do you deal with it?
(photo credit: sunsinger)
i think it's wonderful that you're so honest about this. i've done the exact same thing, especially with yoga. i, too, end up reminding myself that part of what i love so much about yoga is that it challenges me to quit being judgmental, about myself, about others, about everything. thanks for writing about this... it's a very humbling way to start the week! be well, nina!
ReplyDeleteAll the time. All the freaking time. About everything. But it's a pretty natural feeling and it usually goes away - eventually. Sucks though! :)
ReplyDeleteugh totally! i am so guilty of comparing myself to others. and with yoga, i always get it in my head that the teacher doesn't like me for some reason!
ReplyDeletebut i think yoga is such an amazing practice of humility. you have to be ok with looking stupid sometimes. (or falling - the first time i took tyler to yoga with me he attempted a handstand twice, and fell on his face both times).
xox
I have the same exact reaction when i practice, but not necessarily in a class situation. For me it's all about learning to get out of my head, and to purge the idea of perfection that i happened to pick up somewhere along the line. The trick in class for me though is that i wear glasses, really bad eyes, so i don't wear them when practicing, that helps me to focus on me :). Hope your funemployment and training prep are going gret :)
ReplyDeletei too think it's big that you even share that vulnerability with all of us. i began some yoga classes some time ago and don't go as often as i'd like or should to really get the true benefits, but...i too would look around, if even out of the corner of my eye, comparing my stances, my poses with others. i think it's not so much mean or insecure, just plain ol' human nature kicking in. :) i'm sure your poses are the best in the room in other people's eyes. that's just how things go around. someone is probably there thinking "i wish i looked like that" you know?
ReplyDeleteremind yourself that theres at least one person looking @ you thinking the EXACT same thing !!!
ReplyDeleteNina,
ReplyDeleteI think most of us can relate really well to your feelings here. I appreciate your honesty.
As much feelings of jealousy or not being as good as the next person, there are also times when we feel better than others. Neither swing of the pendulum is a true picture of us. We mostly swing somewhee in the middle.
Balance is when we realize the truth in appreciating the individual, in actions and in self, without any comparisons.
Enjoy your yogi for what it brings to you. A way to nurture and celebrate your life.
It's so refreshing to hear someone open up about jealousy--I feel like it's the most "taboo" of emotions because we feel so ashamed and guilty and embarrassed when we feel it... You're right, though: jealousy is never about them, it's always about us!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this--needed it today :)
I would have felt the same way, I must guiltily admit. But yoga is all about learning your body and your mind; this is just another lesson :)
ReplyDeleteI think this has been one of my hang-ups about yoga and socializing in those kinds of situations in general. I went to a yoga class one time and couldn't help but think of how everyone was judging me. I was concentrating so hard on not being the new kid in class because I did not want the instructor to come over and readjust me. I practice yoga in my living room where I'm comfortable with it and I never have that feeling of jealousy or uncomfort when I do so. Maybe it's just a weird thing of mine because the instructor never came over to tell me I was doing something wrong, instead I was complimented on it. I know I'm missing out on certain aspects and learning new things but sticking to my yoga podcast is treating me alright!
ReplyDeleteHa, I've been in this situation too! I guess I just brush it off and imagine that sooner or later I will get the compliment. But I think you said it best, it's not a competition:)
ReplyDeletejust today in fact... and not about yoga. but i reconciled it with this thought...the other person needs whatever praise/opportunity/experience they are presented with as a part of their journey (which has nothing to do with me and my own journey). And, my time will come, when i need it to.
ReplyDeleteyou are all so wise! thank you!!! hugs and kisses.
ReplyDeletei moved to england and left my favorite studio behind. the closest yoga classes i could find were at an l.a. fitness. i was constantly being complimented at my old studio (which is half of the reason why i loved it) but at the gym i felt like i was in boot camp and was always being told i was doing it wrong. after a few weeks, i stopped going to the gym and stopped practicing yoga altogether. how silly, right?!
ReplyDelete6 months LATER i'm finally getting back into it and i'm getting used to practicing in my own home without teachers or students next to me. i love the energy when practicing with others but i don't NEED anyone giving me praise. (although it was nice!)
I have experience this EXACT moment in Yoga class!!
ReplyDeleteSo petty...
http://ladulcivida.blogspot.com/
i think envy can't be helped, we just have to try not to dwell on it. i think a tiny bit of jealousy is good at times bc it can motivate you to try harder.
ReplyDeletep.s love the picture
I've had the same feeling, Nina. And I always feel especially guilty because it's definitely not what yoga is about--but, we're human. A nice deep breath and focusing on what I can correct in the pose usually brings me back around.
ReplyDeleteAfter a shoulder injury, a year off the mat, and two shoulder operations, I've just now gotten back into yoga. It's been so very humbling because there is much that I can't do yet. Luckily, it's changed my perspective as well. Following a year of not being able to practice at all, I feel that there is so much more that I CAN do, and am trying to focus on the positive energy that yoga brings me--even if I spend half of the class in child's pose. :)
Unfortunately, I can relate! I think it's human nature to feel that way, occasionally, but you can't let it grow out of control. Not worth it.
ReplyDeleteConstantly! It's so hard for me not to compare myself to others. It gets to be so silly - it's from something as little as somebody else getting a small compliment to comparing myself to who my ex boyfriend is dating. It's so hard to remember that you can only do your very best in everything.
ReplyDeleteOne of the great blessings and challenges of yoga is that it challenges our egos. Yoga is about fulfilling human potential and not about praise or big muscles or doing perfect poses. So hard to push back on that ego but it is essential. Good luck. Your honesty is the step in the right direction. We all face this.
ReplyDeleteyou just have to remind yourself that the only competition in yoga is when you are competing with yourself, not others. to stretch a little deeper. extend your breath a little longer. hold a pose a little longer than the last. etc.
ReplyDeletenina,
ReplyDeletemaybe this is a little nugget of wisdom for you to take into your teacher training. maybe you want to be the kind of teacher who creates a class where everyone leaves feeling like they have beautiful form. maybe you want to give your praise to students in a quieter way. maybe for you as a teacher it isn't about giving individual praise. your experiences (even the time of envy) as a student will shape you as you become a teacher.
i had a teacher once who in class said, "if your name starts with a j...unscrunch your forehead and relax your face." there were likely more people with names starting with j in the room than just me, but it was a gentler way of getting her point across.
you get to discover your style and your voice as a teacher as you go. and how exciting is that?!
happy tuesday, nina.
Thanks for being honest and sharing this. We all feel that way sometimes. I love everyone's comments too. This was a great post!
ReplyDeleteYou said it -- it's the yoga journey. Whenever I'm faced with a challenge, usually an internal struggle, I always say to myself, this is my yoga; this is what I have to work through. And the only way is through it. There is no going around, over top, or underneath a challenge. Go through, notice how you're feeling, try another response to it. Good luck on your journey. And remember, the journey doesn't really end. That is kind of the beautiful part. We get to try again :)
ReplyDeleteUh yeah all the time. I often say I "suck" at yoga, but I like how it makes me feel.
ReplyDeleteNina, I have totally been there! It helps me to remember that everyone is fighting a hard battle. They may really need that praise at that moment. Another day, maybe you will really need it, and someone will feel that. And, you can give yourself that praise and have that be enough. I am ever-searching for internal contentment, santosha, too. =)
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so honest and don't be ashamed for feeling the way you do!!! We are only humans after all, not even yoginis are above having normal, human feelings.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to "deal" with this - let it be a lesson for you when you become a yoga teacher!! We all need some recognition at times, even if yoga is not a competitive "sport". So maybe the teacher in this class felt that the student who was honored for her form felt that she was the one needing encouragement and recognition that day. When you become a teacher I think you will learn to sense who needs a little attention and a nice comment on special days.
....and in the end it's about how YOU felt about yourself in your poses isn't it?
i think everyone feels this way at different times in their practice. i have learned to focus only on my practice. i rarely look at others so as not to compare myself with them. i think maybe our teachers could be a little more conscientious about making us all feel great about our practice no matter our skill level. we should never walk away from a class or practice feeling less than wonderful about ourselves.
ReplyDeleteNina, this is what I love about your blog...you're so freaking honest and open about everything! I would be scared to write about something like this on my blog and worried about what people would think of me.
ReplyDeleteNot really sure how to combat it, but I know I've had the feeling and will continue to have these feelings in the future...I think you have to be a VERY, VERY confident and oblivious person to not have insecure feelings about something at some point.
I can totally understand how you felt. I 've been there a lot of times and I hate myself for that. I've come to realise that my teacher is doing it on purpose to challenge us. I try to work on that and do not compare myself to others but compare myself to myself. What I did then and how better I do asanas now. It's not easy though. Envy can pop up any time. But we will manage it at the end.
ReplyDelete